


Someone that can help

by Justafewthingstosay



Series: Dear Evan Hansen, Tree Bros one shots [12]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Depression, Drug Use, Fighting, First Kiss, Fluffy Angst, M/M, Some Fluff, Some angst, anxietyy, implied self harm, you know me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-18 17:18:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11295168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justafewthingstosay/pseuds/Justafewthingstosay
Summary: No one is able to face the world alone, we all have something that helps us through the worst days and that helps us sleep in the worst nights. But sometimes those things that help are killing us and then we need to ask for help





	Someone that can help

“Connor, I’ve told you a million times that smoking is bad for you!” Evan yelled at  Connor, he had found him smoking pot behind the school today after school was over. Evan knew that there was no point of yelling at Connor while he was high, so he came over two hours later, knowing his high must have worn off by now.

At some point of their small fight, both of them had started yelling.

“It helps me, Evan! Don’t you want me to feel better?” Connor snarled back and Evan felt his chest tighten. Of course, he wanted Connor to feel better, he wanted nothing more in his life than for Connor to feel better, but he didn’t want him breaking the law, he didn’t want him to have to numb the world to feel happiness. He wanted Connor to look at him and feel happy, just like Evan looked at Connor and immediately felt better. He wanted Connor to call him, when he was having a panic attack or when he just needed someone to be there. 

He wanted to be there for him, hold him when he needed to be held, he wanted to show him how it felt to be loved. 

“I don’t want you to make your happiness dependent on some drug, Connor!” 

Connor sighed in frustration, throwing his hands up into the air, before turning to Evan with a glare.

“Don’t you do the same thing with your pills?” Connor pointed out and Evan felt a terrible aching feeling in his stomach, Connor was right. He felt like a hypocrite, which he was. 

“Yes, but I haven’t needed them that much anymore,” He paused for a second, trying to read Connor’s expression, before continuing on, “I’ve been getting better without them” 

Evan could have sworn that he saw a bit of surprise with a mix of happiness flicker over Connor’s face, which quickly turned around into an annoyed state, with those terribly sad eyes, that tried their hardest not to seem sad.

Connor raised his hands up, stopping in front of his eyes and intertwining his fingers, before letting them drop into his lap, looking up at Evan, letting out an annoyed groan. 

“And I’ve been getting worse each day and getting high helps me” Evan saw that Connor's hands started to shake and his voice started to tremble. “I just need to shut out the world sometimes, be numb, be happy. You wouldn’t understand what it feels like to have to be numb to feel happy!” Connor yelled, his voice cracked a little at the last words, his eyes locked with Evan’s, small tears lying in his eyes, that were threatening to fall if Connor blinked. 

Evan felt tears forming, his anger turning from dry into wet. 

“If there is one person in this fucking world that understands, it’s me, Connor and you know that!” he spoke through gritted teeth and Connor blinked up to Evan, an almost confused look in his eyes, when he blinked, he send the tears onto their journey, making their way down his sharp features.

Evan was shaking with anger, his hands gripping the hem of his shirt tightly, rolling and bunching it up in his hands.

Connor looked up at Evan, sitting on his bed, the sweatshirt sleeves pushed up, revealing his scars, he looked so helpless, but at the same time, he looked so powerful, so strong. Showing the world his pain, being honest about how he felt. 

Evan had always admired Connor for his confidence. 

Connor let his head fall and his hair fell around his face, hiding it behind a curtain of brown. 

“What do you expect me to do Evan?” He said, almost frustrated, you could hear that he was crying, his voice was laced with the sound of tears, the sound of quick shaky breathes. “Do you want me to call you, every time I feel like shit? Every time, I want to fucking kill myself?” He stopped himself quickly, his index finger running up and down his forearm, feeling his scars before he looked up into Evan’s eyes. “Evan, you are not stable enough to deal with my shit as well”  

Evan saw the streaks of tears on Connor's face and he wanted to kiss him so badly, showing him what he meant to him, showing him that no matter how broken Connor felt, Evan still thought he was perfect, but Evan couldn’t tell his only friend that. It was a thing he had learned to internalise. 

“That’s exactly what I want you to do. I mean that’s what you told me to do and I always tell you, can’t you see that I just want you to be happy?” Evan asked desperately, he moved a little closer, now standing only around one and a half meters from Connor.

“It’s very hard to be happy, Evan,” Connor said quietly, looking down onto his arms, still staring at the scars. Evan was almost getting annoyed, he wanted Connor to feel better, feel deserving, feel loved. 

 

 

“Tell me one thing, one thing that makes you happy,” Evan said, slightly aggravated. 

Connor’s head shot up and he stared directly into Evan’s eyes.

“You do,” he said, almost too quiet for anyone to hear. Evan choked on a breath, before asking Connor to repeat himself.

“I said, that you make me happy,” Connor said while standing up and standing right in front of Evan, who had to tilt his head slightly to look up to him. 

They stayed in this almost awkward state for a few seconds, neither of them saying anything. Connor realised how Evan’s eyes kept trailing down his face to look at his lips and Connor doesn’t remember how, or why, but he had cupped Evan’s face with his hands, wiping away his tears with his thumbs, before pulling him closer, kissing him softly. 

As their lips connected, Evan felt as if his heart was going to explode. Connor’s lips tasted salty from his tears, but there was something sweet about them as well. 

He kissed Connor back, hesitantly putting his hands around Connor’s neck, smiling into their kiss. 

Connor felt Evan’s hands in the nape of his neck, he felt how Evan played with his hair and he felt himself fall deeper and deeper in love with his best friend.

As they separated, Evan turned a bright red, while Connor smiled happily, putting their foreheads together.

“I wanted to do that for a long time,” Evan admitted and Connor just smiled. 

 

“Me too,” 

“I’m still mad at you, but not as much anymore,” Evan smiled out.

Connor chuckled lightly.

“Just kiss me, dumbass,” He giggled and Evan gladly obeyed.

Connor started to call when he felt panic attacks coming and Evan was always there, he came over when Connor felt numb and held him tightly when Connor hadn’t slept in days, holding him until he fell asleep. 

Just like Connor started to hold Evan’s hand when he realised that his breath was quickening, because he knew that Evan needed something to hold onto to ground himself, or how he ordered food at restaurants when they went out for dinner, or he got the pizza from the front door, because he knew how uncomfortable Evan was with waiting for the change and tipping.

Connor was there when Evan had anxiety attacks, helping him calm down and making sure, he understood that it was okay. 

Evan was only a call away when Connor couldn’t even stand up in the morning, too exhausted to move. 

They would make sure that the other one drank enough throughout the day, or if they had eaten. 

Their love didn’t heal them, but it helped them. It helped them to get better, it helped them be happy and that’s enough. 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it  
> Comments are as always very appreciated
> 
> ALSO please if you have ever felt like Evan or Connor in these stories, please seek help. You are worthy of love and help just as much as everyone else.   
> There is someone out there that loves you and I need you to remember that
> 
> If you enjoyed it, please consider buying me a [coffee](http://ko-fi.com/pissoffimrad)


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